Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize