Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
