Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
