Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize