i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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