I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
