I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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