Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
