I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
