3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
