i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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