wanna go halves on a baby?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
