Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
