babies were throwing up all over the place
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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