Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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