I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
