Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
3pm strippers are depressing
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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