Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
