physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
