my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
