I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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