i think my tv is drunk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
