I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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