so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
