Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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