I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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