mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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