Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
