two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
