I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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