That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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