Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
