im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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