I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
