I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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