I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I smell stomach acid.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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