I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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