I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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