ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
