Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
