i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
