Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
