he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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