Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize