You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize