happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
