I need help removing her.
I CAN MOONWALK!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
