He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
