you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
