I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have aggressive nipples.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
