Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
