Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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