Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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