he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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