Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm getting married
To pizza
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
