i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
