I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
