dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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