I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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