Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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