I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
