we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
