He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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