Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
