I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
