I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
