So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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