My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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