All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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