when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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