I cockslap morals
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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