Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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