I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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